The emotional turmoil associated with a breakup can be profound, particularly if betrayal caused the breakup or the end was otherwise very painful. As such, the ideal way of handling a breakup and moving forward is different for everybody. For some individuals, immediately dating after a breakup is a coping mechanism for them. Others prefer to spend some time alone before dating again. Whichever route works for you, the tips below are designed to help you in getting back into dating after a breakup:
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Dating ‘Referrals’
Ask your closest friends to introduce you to singles they know. Following a breakup, emotional support from your friends can help you during the healing process. When you are ready to re-enter the world of dating, you can ask your friends for their assistance again. Because your friends are aware of your likes and dislikes, they will have a good sense of the type of person you are compatible with.
If a friend knows somebody he or she believes would be a good fit for you, you can make arrangements to meet for lunch or coffee as a trio, with your friend and prospective date or go on a double date with your friend, her significant other and the prospective date. If things go well for both of you, you can exchange contact information and arrange a follow-up date for just the two of you.
Online Dating
I’m sure you have met at least someone in your circle of friends who has tried online dating. Websites like Amigos.com, eHarmony.com, Match.com and LatinAmericanCupid.com are among the top websites for meeting like-minded people online. If you decide to try this dating method, you should obviously state your ethnicity, age, marital status and other personal (not private!) information you might want to include to indicate your preferences. These websites will provide you with a quick way of meeting different prospects from your area.
Venturing into online dating is something we talk about in more depth in some of the articles here at the site, especially since it’s something that most of my own friends have used.
Consider Less Common Meeting Places
Aside from bars, clubs and other traditional meeting places, you should think about locations like libraries, bookstores, sporting venues and coffee shops for meeting a potential partner or just decent date. If you are visiting these places to indulge in a favorite hobby, there a huge chance the other patrons are doing the same. This means you and a potential date would already have something in common.
A friend of mine who wanted to meet someone (but was definitely NOT into the bar or club scene) noticed that there were some Bachata classes beginning at a local dance studio. She was originally from the Dominican Republic, and had moved to the Daytona Beach, Florida area, and had never really learned any of the dances that had their roots in Dominican culture. On a whim, she decided to sign up for the classes, and wound up meeting a number of new friends – both guys and women. She told me that she was surprised at the diversity of people who were interested in Latin dance styles.
While she hasn’t yet found her “Mr. One and Only,” she has expanded her circle of friends greatly, and has also gotten to know several guys with some similar backgrounds (who happen to know OTHER guys with similar backgrounds).
For what it’s worth, I personally met my partner at a community book sale! We both love books, and that was how it started for us! I know more than one couple who originally met at CrossFit gyms. Another couple met at an indoor trampoline park! They were both single parents who happened to have their kids that weekend, and wound up at the same park.
Keep your mind open!
Look Your Best
Whenever you are leaving out the house, ensure that you look your best. It takes about the same time to throw on your old, unflattering clothes as it does to put on something that greatly complements your skin tone and tastefully emphasizes your physical assets.
The man or woman of your dreams could just be at a gas station, grocery store or in any other location in which you have errands to run. If you are looking your best, you will most likely display more self-confidence and this could make the difference between a potential date noticing you or not.
Think about whether you would initiate a conversation with a person if you believe that you look worn-down. It is quite unlikely that most people would do this. Looking your best is not an indication that you have to spend several hours getting ready to merely make a run to the grocery store; however, you should put some effort into looking presentable when you leave your home. This will increase the odds of meeting someone whose company you could enjoy for the short term or possibly even longer.
There is also a psychological aspect to this tip. If you’re still nursing a broken heart and leave the house without really caring how you look, it’s possible that your body language in general may be sending a signal that you aren’t really interested in moving forward.
So, if you’re taking some time to “dress for success” you may unconsciously find yourself moving differently; your head may be held just a little higher, you might find yourself smiling a little bit more… I think you know what I mean! 😉
Avoid the Rebound
Finally – For your own well-being, it is extremely important to be selective when dating after a breakup. Beware the “rebound relationship” trap where you allow yourself to get together with someone quickly after your breakup. Many of us have done this! Obviously, we all want to avoid feeling lonely. But, this is not the way to go about it. Rebound relationships can be devastating, especially if you find yourself with someone who knows you are an easy target and/or easily manipulated. Choosing to cling to persons who do not inspire faith could lead you to distrust everyone in general. Be bold and walk away from individuals you know are wrong for you.